He Sustains Me.

Why I believe in God:

There are quite a few "why's". 

But one reason I believe in God is the way he has sustained me or rather put people in my life to sustain me. 

I'm not biologically fatherless. None of us are. But from the age of 6, I lost a father emotionally and physically. He wasn't there. 

And I don't have many memories of him. Or my childhood prior to the age of 6. My mind created a defining moment during the time I became fatherless in certain ways. And that's all I am left with. 

This subject is a bit uncomfortable for me. Not because it makes me vulnerable, but because I have never liked the idea of using my losses in life as a way to get compassion and pity. I don't want others to feel sorry for me. 

Because honestly, I can say I didn't miss out on much. And what I mean by that is that God has continually placed someone in my life to sustain me in all the ways I would seem fatherless growing up. Looking back on my life, I see so many people who took a missing piece of my fatherless puzzle and filled it for a length of time. 

That's one primary reason why I believe in God. When all the statistics show I shouldn't be where I am today. That I shouldn't be a healthy human being, both in body and mind because I am fatherless. That I shouldn't know how to love fully and I shouldn't understand the father-daughter relationship because I lacked one. That I should be mentally ill, homeless, or extremely emotionally wrecked. That is the research, the science, and the numbers for people who have a childhood like I did. 

But God defies all of those. He doesn't work in finite numbers and science all the time. He is above that.

So when I tell you, I grew up without a father, and that at 6 years old I witnessed events that young eyes like mine should never have to see, but did. And yet, defied the odds and defied the statistics, it's because of God.

Not anything I did. But my whole life I have rested in the palm of his hand and watched him continually fill in that hole with people who love me. 

I believe in God because really, I should not  be who I am today and where I am today and have the healthy happy relationships I have with people when considering my childhood. I believe in God because my own life is an example what should be impossible. 

He sustains me. 

Staying Teachable

What would I have done differently?

I'm inspired by my eldest brother all the time. Every time I see him do something different, I think to myself, "hey, that's a great idea. I should do that too." 

He started a blog. Me too. 

He wrote about what he would tell his younger self now that he is older. Me too. 

I respect him and find that much of what he writes causes me to think of my own life. 

I've decided to answer the question, "what would I have done differently in my younger years?" 

Granted, I am still very young. But old enough to look back and think about what I would have done differently when I was younger. At 23, I have realized that the more of life I live, the more I realize how much I don't know. It's funny. But true.

I have learned more in one year than I have in a span of 5 years of my younger ages. It's interesting. 

I never liked the idea of using age as power. You know, the idea of even if you are one year older than me, you know more. Or because I am 2 years older than you, I know more. That's not true necessarily. 

I believe I can learn from anyone. I am learning just as much from my 3 year old niece as I from my 21 year old husband and my 53 year old mother. 

I believe we can learn from anyone. We shouldn't use our age to determine who can influence and teach us. If we find ourselves blocking people off and placing them on limits because of their age as far as what they teach us, then we are doing a disservice for them and us. 

I never liked the idea that because she goes to school, or because he is married, or because they have this much money, or because he/she is this age determines what they know or don't know. 

Using people's age and state of life isn't something we should measure their knowledge or experience by. There are people younger than me that in some ways have more life experience than I do in one area or another. 

People that use their condition of life (married/single, older/younger, educated/uneducated) as power or reason  to determine how much they know verses how much you do, is someone who quite frankly has a lot more to learn.

Whoever you are, whether married, or unmarried, rich or poor, college degrees or just started kindergarten, you can teach me something. I want to learn from everyone. Not just from those are in my state of life or older than me. 

I want to learn from people from all walks of life. And I don't wish to use my status in life as a reason that I know more or less. We are all different and we all learn things at different stages. I am not better than you because of my age or status in life. 

I need you to teach me. 

If there is one thing I would have told my younger self, it's to be open and teachable. To know I can learn something from anyone and not just those who are like me or who are older than me. 

Finally, I would have told myself to not use my age as a reason to determine how much I know and to use that against people who are younger than me. 

Stay teachable. And be willing to learn from anyone. Even 3 year olds can teach you a thing or two about life. Even a 6 month old baby can teach you, if you want to learn. I know my little nieces have taught me.