He Sustains Me.

Why I believe in God:

There are quite a few "why's". 

But one reason I believe in God is the way he has sustained me or rather put people in my life to sustain me. 

I'm not biologically fatherless. None of us are. But from the age of 6, I lost a father emotionally and physically. He wasn't there. 

And I don't have many memories of him. Or my childhood prior to the age of 6. My mind created a defining moment during the time I became fatherless in certain ways. And that's all I am left with. 

This subject is a bit uncomfortable for me. Not because it makes me vulnerable, but because I have never liked the idea of using my losses in life as a way to get compassion and pity. I don't want others to feel sorry for me. 

Because honestly, I can say I didn't miss out on much. And what I mean by that is that God has continually placed someone in my life to sustain me in all the ways I would seem fatherless growing up. Looking back on my life, I see so many people who took a missing piece of my fatherless puzzle and filled it for a length of time. 

That's one primary reason why I believe in God. When all the statistics show I shouldn't be where I am today. That I shouldn't be a healthy human being, both in body and mind because I am fatherless. That I shouldn't know how to love fully and I shouldn't understand the father-daughter relationship because I lacked one. That I should be mentally ill, homeless, or extremely emotionally wrecked. That is the research, the science, and the numbers for people who have a childhood like I did. 

But God defies all of those. He doesn't work in finite numbers and science all the time. He is above that.

So when I tell you, I grew up without a father, and that at 6 years old I witnessed events that young eyes like mine should never have to see, but did. And yet, defied the odds and defied the statistics, it's because of God.

Not anything I did. But my whole life I have rested in the palm of his hand and watched him continually fill in that hole with people who love me. 

I believe in God because really, I should not  be who I am today and where I am today and have the healthy happy relationships I have with people when considering my childhood. I believe in God because my own life is an example what should be impossible. 

He sustains me.